Talk:Sonic.exe/@comment-200.45.197.37-20140630193309
I have to say, this is an interesting take on the source material, you made it in such way it reads like an actual creepypasta of sorts. Yes, it does have it's cliches here and there, but mostly, the work done in this version legitimately takes out some problems that the original had, not to mention, it is actually rather faithful to it, even though there are indeed differences. Something that I didn't like is the ending; I'd love it if you put some more work to it. If the ending puts more emphasis on the note, it'd be excellent, because there's not a single reference to it after it's acknowledged, and information was skip from it, seemed like it could be shown fully at some point. Happens too with the second file of the game, it's not referenced either, that could actually be made important if you tried to make it so (To put an example, as a leftover of the SONIC.EXE file's dissapearence). There are some small typos but they are very nigh and it was unnoticeable on a first read, you might want to check that if you want to make a final-ish version. The introduction is pretty straight foward as it throws us information on the protagonists with a brief context, but that would be nitpicking, as it doesn't really affect the actual event's creepyness. It doesn't seem like a proper segway to me, as it just 'begins' telling the story, but then again, might be nitpicking. For the most part, you take the cake, as several of the already spook-ish parts were wrote better and the "game" described in the creepypasta is actually creepier when imagination comes to mind, not to mention it is portrayed to behave more like a game and less like a hallway. Several of the possibly over exaggerated reactions are replaced with a proper reaction of a common player, it is more natural and by far how most of us would possibly react. What I noticed is that this Sonic portrayed in the pasta didn't use all the quotes in the original, something I was a little bit skeptical about but that I actually really digged, as it felt more natural to read (Not to mention, it felt more fitting for this character, possibly). The most interesting part is the take on suspense and build-up to the real scare, it is kept slightly intact comparing it to the original, but the tools used by you were by far much more effective in the long run. Overrall, it was a very nice read, it felt like a more cohesive version of the original one. It felt really good to read it and it felt good to actually feel something out of it, rather than my hand slapping on my forehead. Sonic.exe seemed like a nice choice of a pasta to work on with in the end, as you managed to make a legitimately scary creepypasta out of the original. The fact that the ending wasn't as good as the rest of the pasta is kind of a let down, but I apreciate the fact that you took your time to do an amazing job remaking what everyone thought was worthy of the sh*tpasta title. I'd love to share ideas with you, so does everyone else, I imagine, but I'm pretty sure the small issues that this pasta has can be resolved without the need of a colective idea pickup. Excellent work, and I hope that you make more creepypastas, because I'd love to see what your original content would be like.